Would you ever talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself? Most of us wouldn’t. And yet those critical words shape how we see ourselves, how we see God, and even how we live.
Proverbs 23:7 says, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”
Today, we’re talking about why your thoughts and words matter, how your brain’s built-in filter works, and why the people around you shape your life more than you realize.
So let’s dive in…
Our thoughts and what we say are so important but I believe it’s something we don’t give enough attention to.
Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”
Life & death mean that words can bring healing, motivation, hope & encouragement or they can cause destruction, spread lies, hurt people and spread negativity. They can give us life and encourage us or they can be the death of our spirit.
And “those who love it will eat its fruit” shows that there are consequences to our words.
Your words are like planting seeds — and you’ll eat the fruit of them.
If you sow worry, you reap things to worry about.
If you sow negativity, you’ll reap things to be negative about.
But if you sow trust in God, you reap peace and strength.
So let me ask you: what kind of harvest are your words producing?
You’ve probably heard the phrase: “Anything you say can and will be used against you.”
Now, imagine if that were true in life, not just in a legal setting. What if every thought you had and every word you spoke just showed up in front of you? Would you be more careful with what you say and think?
And here’s the truth — our words come from inside. They’re a mirror of what’s going on inside us.
It’s like the story of a coffee cup. You are holding a cup of coffee and someone bumps into you and you spill the coffee. Why did you spill the coffee? You might say, “Because someone bumped into me.” No — you spilled coffee because that was what was in the cup.
We all know the saying “my cup runneth over,” but do we ever ask with what?
So when life “bumps” us or shakes us, whatever is inside us will come out.
What is your cup filled with? Is it negativity and stress or is it faith?
We need to make sure we are filling our spirit with God’s Word.
God designed our brains with something called the Reticular Activating System — or RAS for short. It’s a small bundle of nerves at the base of your brain. Its job is to filter all the things we are inundated with every second of the day. The brain can’t take all that in at one time, so this filter decides what is important and what we can disregard.
So, how does it decide what’s important?
It takes its cues from us.
When we focus on something, that is telling our RAS that we want to see more of that. When it thinks it’s important to us, it allows our conscious mind to be aware of it.
Think of it like this: think about an algorithm on social media. The platform wants us to stay on their site for as long as possible. So they are going to show you what they think you want to see. How do they know what you want to see? It’s what you click on, like, watch, and interact with.
If you watch funny cats or cooking videos, your feed will be filled with cats and cooking.
It’s also how when you search for back pain relief, suddenly all your ads show you back pain products.
Your brain works the same way.
The RAS filters your world based on what it thinks is important to you.
Here’s a simple example:
Have you ever bought a new car — let’s say a red Mazda — and suddenly you see red Mazdas everywhere? Did everyone just buy a red Mazda? No — your brain decided it was important, so your filter noticed it.
Some people use the “law of attraction” to say they manifest things into their lives. That isn’t magical — it’s scientific.
Your subconscious doesn’t know if something is real or not. When you focus on something, your mind looks for ways to make it happen. That’s why affirmations work. When you write things out as if they’ve already happened, your brain works to make them true.
This is great when you are thinking about positive things — but did you realize this works for negative things too?
This is where the law of attraction comes into play. You make your subconscious aware of what you want more of and it works to make that happen… good or bad.
It’s about aligning your thoughts with your values and priorities.
Matthew 12:36–37 in The Message tells us:
“Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation.”
When you say things like:
You turn on the RAS, and it gets to work trying to prove those things right.
But in the same way, if you speak positivity and talk about positive things as if they have already happened, you’ll get more of that as well.
That’s why Paul tells us in Philippians 4:8 to think about whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. Because when you change the things you look at, the things you look at will change.
What does that mean?
It’s not that your circumstances magically disappear or transform overnight. It’s that your perspective shapes your experience.
The situation might stay the same — but the way you see it changes, and that changes how you experience it.
James 3:4–5 tells us that our tongues are like the rudder of a ship. Just like the rudder controls the direction of the ship, our tongues can control the direction of our lives.
Your thoughts and beliefs act like a filter. If you focus on the negative, you’ll see more negativity. But if you choose to look for things to be grateful for, you’ll start seeing what was already there — things your perspective may have hidden before.
For example: you’re stuck in traffic. You can’t change it. If you focus only on frustration, every red light feels miserable. But if you reframe it as time to breathe, pray, or listen to worship music, the traffic doesn’t change — your experience does.
That’s the power of perspective. It’s not about pretending hard things don’t exist — it’s about choosing to see them through a different lens.
But it’s not just your focus that matters. The voices around you shape you too.
Proverbs 13:20 says:
“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”
Think about it:
Have you ever been around a group of people who yawn, and suddenly you’re yawning too?
Or when someone laughs a lot, you find yourself smiling more?
That’s influence.
Habits, attitudes, and words rub off.
Here’s the thing: if you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room. Growth happens when you surround yourself with people who challenge you, stretch your faith, and model the qualities you want in your own life.
You may not be able to change your family or co-workers — but you can choose to be an example for them.
And join or start a small group that encourages each other.
Your community shapes your future.
Choose it wisely.
Here’s something the enemy doesn’t want you to know: he cannot read your mind. He can plant lies, but he cannot hear your unspoken thoughts. That’s why it matters what you speak out loud.
I want you to practice something in real time.
Think about the words you say without thinking:
We all have those phrases that roll out when we’re frustrated. Things like:
Those phrases feel small and insignificant, but they set the mood for everything that follows.
Here’s what it looks like to flip them:
See the difference?
You’re not pretending everything is fine — you’re refusing to let a negative phrase set the tone.
This isn’t toxic positivity. I’ve never liked the sayings “It could always be worse” or “Someone else has it worse.” What you are dealing with is your reality.
The question is: which one of your thoughts are you feeding?
If you water one plant and not the other, which one thrives?
Friend, your words and intentions matter.
Ephesians 4:29 —
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Your words aren’t just noise — they’re building material.
Every sentence either tears down or builds up — including how you talk to yourself.
This week, notice the moments when your words sound more like demolition than construction.
Instead of letting harsh phrases come out, ask:
Does this build up or break down?
Then invite God to help you swap those words with ones that encourage, strengthen, and bring peace — whether spoken aloud or whispered.
Because choosing words that build up and not tear down is where we find peace.